Anxiety sucks

I have three kids running laps through my house. They all put socks on so they could slide across the wood floor. They probably barely hear my dull voice of warning through their hyperactivity. They are just doing what kids do. Why do I have such anxiety right now? I'm starting to feel desperate for silence and serenity. I feel like I'm being sucked into myself through the black hole that is sitting in my chest. Anxiety sucks. I'm pathetically using this blog as some sort of escape. Hardcore drugs although effective are not really an option. For one I am broke, and another I don't have the balls to do anything that rash. I suppose I could delve back into the twilight series. It seems to be the numbing of choice lately, for half the population that is. (That is a whole other blog in and of itself. )

You know what sucks! Diapers. I changed a diaper like 30 minutes ago and the poo stench is still lingering. If I had any umph in me right now, I'd light a match. But I think they are buried in some junk drawer. So I guess I wont breath through my nose for a while.

So I got a check for $41.00 at church last week. And even though it was just a reimbursement for some money I spent for Primary. It still made me happy and was the highlight of the experience that sunday. In fact, I may just spend a little more for Primary as a way to trick myself into enjoying church. It could work, for a while at least.

I want a kitten. Kind of. Something to think about. I also want a baby, kind of. Something else to think about. You know what's eerie? Walking though the grocery store full of pregnant women, like really pregnant. Everywhere, women with bellies, and little babies and then seeing a 2 year old in a shopping cart point at you and look you square in the eye and say "baby!" What?!

So why is it drug dealers have crappy cars? But buyers are like pimpin it? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Just a thought.

Uhhh, this isn't really working. The blogging I mean. I still feel anxious. I have decided that blogging is not my brand of numbing.