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For Daddy

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 14:42:00 +0000

There are few things in life that bring me as much happiness as watching Daniel raise our kids. He is such a wonderful father to Audrey and Aiden. I love you Dan. Thanks for sharing this experience with me. Here are a few words from the kids. Aiden: "Thank you dad that we are going on family adventures." Aiden: "I like daddy when we are going to the beach!" A message from Aiden: "I love when daddy was watching me when I was playing soccer. I like it when daddy plays games and video games and the DS's. I think it's funny when you sing the nighty night song with the puppets! Audrey & Aiden: "We love it when you make us treats daddy!" (Dan is a real Ace of Cakes!) Audrey & Aiden: "We have fun with you dad!" Audrey: "It's fun to play video games with you." Aiden: "Thank you daddy that you gave us bloom blocks" A message from Audrey: "i love your treats! i loved when you were my soccer coach! i love when you go to the park me.

Unhealthy much?

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Fri, 29 May 2009 17:21:00 +0000

Okay so I pull into Audrey's school and park next to this really nice infinity SUV. As I'm grabbing my purse I see that it has a batman figurine on the dash. A little weird but whatever. Then I open my door to get out and see this! I round the back side of the car and my jaw drops.I can't help but exclaim out loud, "Oh jeez! You have got to be kidding me!" Just so you know, the car has both the license plate AND the chrome work say BAT 1, then in the dark tinting of the back window is an inlaid decal of Christian Bale as BATMAN. (It's the white glared image in the right corner.) Then of course there is the Batman symbol to replace the make of the car. And to finish it off, a pretend bullet hole in the bumper. FOr REalS! I am thinking, I have got to see who in their right mind would actually drive this thing? A few minutes later a 30 something year old white male with a lap top walks up to it and gets in. For being such a freak he looked pretty normal but thats what they say about cereal killers too.

Cousins

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Thu, 28 May 2009 20:32:00 +0000

Aiden and Issac and another friend in the middle. The last play date before Chanelle and Kelly and the kids were going back to Georgia. Saying goodbye to Lucy and Emma. Audrey was so sad. They all had red eyes from crying but I was able to coax a smile out of them momentarily. They had me in tears too.

Shameful I know.

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Tue, 26 May 2009 22:59:00 +0000

All the things that I let go to pot with being in school now have to be remedied. I have gotten most my house under control but saved the worst for last, my bedroom. Inspired by Raina's blog about "Hells Kitchen" I decided before I dug into this horrific mess, I should capture it on film to show the before and after. So here is what Dan and I have lived in for the last month (actually longer) and what we will enjoy hereafter. Let's hope it lasts!

lately

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Sun, 17 May 2009 20:58:00 +0000

I am half way done with school and excited to take the summer off. Audrey and Aiden are finished with soccer and both did really well! They each scored 2 goals this season. We are revving up for swimming, camping, beaching and hopefully a successful garage sale. Dan started a new job with AdvancedMed (I think that is the name of it) and is liking it so far. We invited Max to join the family. He is an amazing dog. He is 6 months old and HUGE for his age. He is awesome so he fits right in with the rest of us;) Our brother Jake got home for a visit after serving in Iraq. We missed him. So that is pretty much the update. Over all we are happy and healthy! LIfe is good, what more can you ask for?

Watch out people

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 03:15:00 +0000

cuz this post is solely to vent. I am now 6 days clean. The detoxing is only getting worse. I'm not to the point of hallucinations yet but I'm pretty sure I'm close. Today I was the most irritable i've been in...well ever, if you can believe it! The sugar must be completely purged out of my system by now because I am so close to shoving a cookie in my mouth it's insane. The first 3 days were pretty good. But i know it's bad when my little boy comes to give me a kiss after eating a turkey sandwich and I can actually smell the scent of bread on his breath. It's a sad and pathetic feeling. Im too far in now to stop. AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Concerns of a 7 year old.

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 16:06:00 +0000

Last night there was a stake fireside for all the children turning 8 years old that are going to be baptized this year. Audrey was sitting in the chapel next to us all as they talked to the children about what it means to be baptized. They were asking all kinds of questions to the children and a good number of them were responding. Audrey seemed content to just sit and wait patiently for it to all be over so she could go to the refreshments. I was trying to get her a little more interested in the meeting by saying over enthusiastic things to her now and then like, "wow,isn't that cool?" and "what do you think about making a promise with God?" There was very little response until a father and daughter got up dressed in white to show exactly how to perform the act of baptism. As they finished up and were taking questions Audrey says under her breath, in a sarcastic tone, "The question is, how do you get it on?" "IT" being the white baptismal jumpsuit that they both were wearing. I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from laughing out loud! She is a crack up and I love her. Needless to say, I am dedicating a page in her baptismal scrapbook to this comment.

You learn something new every day

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 19:40:00 +0000

Today Audrey informed me that if you don't wipe after going poop, then a mushroom will grow out of your butt. It's one of the things she learned in Kindergarden apparently. I responded with a loud laugh and an affirmation that it was indeed true. The mental image still gets to me and I find myself laughing out loud unexpectedly throughout the day. Ahhhh, kids. Gotta love em!

Merry Christmas, It's crap in a box. (re-post)

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 17:37:00 +0000

(Are you allowed to re-post? Well I'm doing it now cuz this one is rearin it's ugly head annually from here on out! )

Today I felt a faint hint of nausea while at Gateway Mall. It took me a minute to realize it was because I was consuming a whole lot of shit that I don't really need or want. And guess what all you friends and family out there are getting for Christmas? Yep you got it. I am going to consume even more shit and then give it to you, in a box, wrapped in pretty paper (preferably recycled) with a neat bow nestled comfortably on top. I am going to do this because day after day, after day, after day... I am told in one form or another that this is what is to be done. In fact I could very easily slip through life never really thinking about anything substantial except what I'm buying or going to be buying. It's quite easy, let me show you how. You see I never have to actually think for myself so long as I have a few necessities:

1. A television, so that every 10 minutes of network coverage can be interrupted by 5 minutes of sappy ads. This is critical for me you see, because if I don't know which toothpaste to buy I might not brush my teeth! And HOW would I ever have figured out on my own that I needed a SWIFFER mop because it "gives cleaning a whole new meaning"? Oh and the infomercials! I look so HOT using my Thigh Master as I "squeeze, squeeze, squeeze my way to shapelier hips and thighs". Thanks SUZANNE!

2. A car. Now this one is really importanat because the T.V. can only influence me at home. So how am I going to know what to do when I leave the house? After I see that car commercial and I Zoom, Zoom, Zoom right down to the dealership to purchase my $20,000+ ego boost I am ready to roll! The possibilities are endless. I mean I've got the never ending rows of billboards whizzing by me while going 80 mph on the freeway. And yet I take it all in somehow. Whoever said that multitasking is impossible, was wrong. I do it all the time! And if I get hungry while on the road all I have to do is scan the horizon for those golden arches. They are a blessed beacon to the hungry masses. I don't even have to get out of the seat of my car to partake of this manna from heaven. Then there are the windshield wipers, they say they're for rain, but I know better. I only have to run in to a store for a second and I can come out and find a brightly colored flyer waiting for me. And just today I saw for the FIRST TIME that parking stall lines are now used for advertisement. So now I am switching to Nationwide Auto Insurance because of their clever marketing strategies. I mean what a smart use of space. And not at all ridiculous!

3. A door with a knob on it. It's so great to know that the faceless person who attached this to my door noticed that I needed a new vinyl fence or new windows. A kind gesture to say the least.

4. Sports Arenas.
5. Movie Theaters.
6. The side of Garbage Trucks.
7. Airplanes dragging signs.
8. Internet.
9. Elementary Schools.
10. Radio.
11. Tele-marketers.
12. Church.

THE SKY IS THE LIMIT! Wait... No, I take that back. I forgot how they broadcast T.V. signals into OUTER SPACE! Talk about reaching a difficult demographic. Are we geniuses or what? I don't know what I was getting so grumpy about. I mean crap really isn't that bad, right? It might smell a little but at least it wont overwhelm the senses and distract me from what means most in life. Thank goodness it doesn't bog me down and make life harder to manage. I mean thats why we have "THE CONTAINER STORE." So we can consume more crap to keep our other crap in. Brilliant! So, there you have it. My 12 step program to a perfectly complacent existence. The most exciting part of it being your estate sale.

Lucky my @$$

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 04:20:00 +0000

So I'm enjoying a bowl of lucky charms for the first time in years when I glance down to see an unfamiliar shaped marshmallow staring back up at me. "What is that odd yellow shaped thing?" I think to myself. Then I start moving the cereal around with my spoon and notice that the marshmallows are all jacked up now! They made all these wacky lame shapes and called them lucky. Like some red one that resembles a hot air balloon and a pink heart, what the hell! So I look at the box and that odd yellow shape is apparently an hour glass! So am I to believe that a hot air balloon, a heart and an hour glass are lucky? But it gets worse, where O' where is the horse shoe? Now I'm feeling really irritated because dumb marketing always pisses me right off. Until I see something purple being suffocated by a big fat hourglass. Could it be?! Yes! It's the horseshoe! They just changed the color. Phewf...I can carry on with my night. I didn't really enjoy the cereal after that because it is another reminder that there is only two things in life that are certain, nothing stays the same and advertisers are a bunch of dumb*@&#$. And thats how you philosophize over cereal.

This makes it all worth it.

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 16:05:00 +0000

So for over a week now I have been tending two sick kids. Then I got sick and dan got sick. It's a pathetic mess! I have been up every night administering meds, humidifiers, tissue, herbal remedies and anything else that will "make the sick go away" (as Aiden would say.) Everyday I think we are improving and every night it is very apparent that we have digressed into yet another symptom. But a couple nights ago three little words made up for all the sacrifice! I put Aiden into bed with me and snuggled up next to him and in the dark at 3 a.m. I hear his little voice say, "Mom, your the coolest!" This from my 4 year old! I was so touched and very sleep deprived, and I exclaimed "I AM!" And started laughing hysterically, which then set him off. And together we laughed and finally slept. Love being a mom!

Thanks Lisa! This was so good I had to post it.

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 02:11:00 +0000

Kirby on gay marriage: It's official - I don't care Tribune Columnist Article Last Updated: 10/26/2008 10:40:00 AM MDT

A couple of years ago, I wrote a column in which I announced my official position on gay marriage. Basically, I don't care. Not only do I not care if gays get married, it is none of my business. As a flaming heterosexual, it's a full-time job for me just to keep my thoughts clean in church. I don't have the energy to fret about somebody else's libido.

The column must have resurfaced on the Internet. I'm getting mail again telling me what a failure I am as a Mormon because I'm not solidly behind Proposition 8. As I understand it, the California ballot item would prevent the domestication of homosexuals. Or something like that.

Here are just a few of the attempts to get me to see reason.

"Are you a member or not? Do you want gays to get married in the temple? Please follow the brotheren's [sic] council [sic] on Proposition 8. This is a important gospel principal [sic]." G., e-mail.

"No unclean thing can enter the house of the Lord. Gays are unclean because of the Scriptures. You have to be hot or cold about it or the Lord will spat you out." T., e-mail.

"Were you listening in church when the letter was read from the First Presidency about supporting proposition eight?" R.Y., e-mail.

"Get with Prop 8 or your [sic] a homo." Anonymous, Advertisement letter.

Hard as it is to counter such brilliant logic, my position hasn't changed. The only serious concern I have about gays getting married is that they'll register someplace pricey. The church is serious about the sanctity of marriage. I get that. But aren't more potentially "dangerous" marriages already being performed out there? For example, I hear in church all the time about marriage being ordained of God. But I also hear about how the glory of God is intelligence.

Shouldn't it be against the law for stupid people to get married? What's more harmful to society - two well-dressed men getting married and settling down, or two idiots tying the knot and cranking out any number of additional idiots? You should have to pass a harder test to get married than the one we currently have. Essentially, there are but two questions: "How old are you?" and "Is that your sister?" Hell, you could pass this test just by guessing.

There are drawbacks. Most people get married when hormones and youth make them about as dumb as they'll ever be. So, even a relatively easy test would by default raise the age limit to about 40. With an increased marriage age limit, there would be fewer births. Genealogy would become easier to do. With fewer births, there would be fewer children born gay. Hey, isn't that what Heavenly Father would want? OK, I was just kidding about that. But if you're really serious about putting a stop to gay sex, let them get married.

This Church Better Be True!

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 19:50:00 +0000

Hella funny, yet hella sad. I wish I could say that they'd been drinking, but that just isn't the case.

History In The Making

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 15:57:00 +0000

So apparently, yes... we really can!

Church and State

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 18:45:00 +0000

So I'm LDS which most of you already know. I have been sitting on the sidelines for a while now watching everyone go on and on about prop 8. I haven't wanted to get involved because honestly I already have my views about it and I am a firm believer in the saying "A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still." So on that note I am not going to write in such a way that I am trying to convince anyone to change their views on anything. I am only going to pose a couple questions that have been really bothering me lately. Mostly regarding the LDS church and their overwhelming support of "yes on prop 8".

First off I'm having a hard time understanding why the church is getting involved at all in a political issue. Does the whole separation of church and state not apply for some reason here? Some might say "well this is a moral issue so we need to get involved". If that's true then why didn't we get involved when we jumped head first in to this war? I find that war often leads to death and destruction of whole cities. I'm pretty sure that ought to be considered a moral issue! Why was there not a peep out of church leaders about that?

Why is our church raising and spending $21 million on the fight against gay marriage? 2 1 M I L L I O N D O L L A R S?!!! How many starving children could we have fed with that money? How many lives could we have saved in Darfur? How many homeless people could we have reached out to? And all because we are afraid. This is a civil rights issue. And last time I checked out church history we didn't have the best reputation for upholding civil rights. The LDS church took a stand against the civil rights of women, and black people. Of course your not gonna get that info at church, but check out some church history and it's all there. And as far as I could tell it all worked out all right. I mean, I can own property and vote, so thats good... right? Could it be that we are in the same situation now?

I recently read a book called SWAY. It talks about why people do irrational things. It says that two major reasons why people make irrational choices is because of #1 Fear of loss and #2 Commitment. I was thinking about how that applies to this prop 8 situation. The rationale I am hearing from people in the church is that they are afraid of losing their own rights if gay people are allowed to get married. That is what the average white man was afraid of in the 19th century with blacks gaining their own civil rights. I also see how the church has sent out the calvary on this issue and all these people are doing it out of a strong commitment to their faith. Key word there is commitment. Case in point, 70% of the funds raised in the christian coalition are from the LDS church members. So what I am asking you all now is, does all of this seem rational to you?

God asked us to use our faculties and choose for ourselves. Yes the LDS church has a prophet and for some it is enough to follow him without taking the time to pray for ourselves. But I don't think that is what his purpose here is. You don't have to read much of the scriptures, ancient or modern, to see that prophets are quite capable of making bad choices here and there, just like the rest of us. (I'm tempted to put a slanderous racial quote in here from Brigham Young, but I'll spare you.) So this is my conundrum. I am seriously disappointed in how members are handling this situation. But, who knows. Maybe i'm just the voice of corruption, the spawn of the devil. Or that poor Megan who fell by the wayside. Judge if you must, but as my good friend Amanda says, "I choose to ere on the side of compassion."

Birthdays

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 14:40:00 +0000

So this week was a week of celebration because my sister Lissa and I shared our birthdays. I am on the 27th and she is on the 28th. As a kid growing up we always had to have joint parties. And because I have always enjoyed the limelight, sharing my day of glory with anyone else was not really fun. In fact I can remember as a kid running to my room in tears because a friend got to pass out the paper plates at MY party. It was emotional. The whole thing always reminds me of that song... "it's my party and I'll cry if I want to, you would cry to if it happened to you!" (I like attention. Me, me, me. Just ask my husband. I think I have mellowed out a little since I turned 30 a couple days ago though.)

So the last couple years with my sis living so close has been quite fun. It's not like we throw each other keggers or even do anything official. It's always laid back. But I can always count on her getting me the perfect gift and she is always hard, but fun to shop for. One year we just went to Thrift Town and had a blast digging through the dirt that is used clothing. We each bought each other some smelly, dusty second hand item and walked away feeling very satisfied. It was fun. This year she got me this amazingly cute, ornate yellow, metal jewelry tree to put all my necklaces on. (But originally it was a mug rack.) Needless to say I LOVED IT! It took me a couple thrift stores to find her a couple books that I thought she'd enjoy. So now, being 30, and much more mature, I am finding it very fun to share my special day with my sister. I wouldn't want to share it with anyone else. And I'm not just saying that either! I think she is a perfect sister to me. Did I mention she did my dishes for me on my b-day? And that when I was going through a hard time a few months back she came over and totally helped me to clean my entire house!!! It's so relieving to have her next door so that when I try to dress "hip" she can tell me if I look stupid or am trying to hard. She is always there in a pinch to watch the kids. And she is my most favoritest person to hang out with which is good since I've been doing it for years. It's a total comfort knowing that she's got my back in every way. I love my sis. Happy Birthday to US!

If you want to be hip and happy

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 03:04:00 +0000

Then buy something from my sister. Seriously, she just moved into the cute cottage next door and I go over there just to bask in the beauty that is her stuff! She has a knack for finding killer vintage items. Her cottage albeit cozy is only 800 sqft and is running out of places to put things. But her talent and need for finding treasures persists so she got on Etsy.com. So if you like retro, hip, cool or quaint follow your curiosity and my recommendation to PocketVintage!

The most vivid and demented dream...

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 13:45:00 +0000

I'm walking through this huge old school. The architecture is amazing and although it's supposed to be a high school, the campus is like that of a university. I'm lost and feeling anxious. I seemed to have misplaced my locker. The school has multiple levels and as I'm tracking up and down long corridors and metal stairwells, I notice the crowd slowly dispersing. Pretty soon I will be alone here, and lost!

My anxiety heightens as I rush away from the ominous buildings over a bridge that at the moment seems much to long and solitary. I'm getting panicky, and can tell I'm not thinking rationally as I drop my purse to the ground, kneel beside it and recklessly scramble through it with a prayer that my car keys are in it and not in my missing locker. I must get out of here as soon as possible. A flood of relief rushes over me as I pull them from the pocket.

Then suddenly there are two figures standing over me. I look up and two guys are smiling down at me. But it is a knowing smile they share, with a confidence that seems out of place for the situation. They look about 19 or so. The heavier of the two is a dirty blonde. His eyes are larger and rounder. He has a slight case of acne on his full cheeks. He has a face that in different circumstances might come off as kind. He is holding out a car key to me. I take it to inspect and notice that the grip on the key is old and looks like a dog has gotten to it and that it belongs to a Saturn. "Jenny wants you to have it" he says. (Jenny was my best friend in middle school and I haven't seen or heard from her in years.)

I study their faces in confusion. The other guy is about the same height but with darker hair and smaller build. His over all appearance is somewhat wiry. He has small dark eyes and the same sense of confidence that is making me uneasy. I stand and hold the key out to them, as he takes it I say "I don't know what you are talking about." I walk away but it doesn't take me long to realize they are slowly following me. I follow the end of the bridge down and hang a right so I'm facing it from a side view. I can see them casually walking to the end of the bridge, the afternoon sun casting them as silhouettes. Thats when I notice the white Saturn two door parked directly under the tall, shadowy bridge. There is a small trickle of water running under the bridge and from the slope of the embankment I gathered it was once a decent flowing stream. The Saturn was positioned at a slight angle, it's front wheels on one side of the trickle of water, it's back wheels on the opposite side. It appears to be vacant. To the right sits a cement utility building among a forest of trees that create a natural barricade behind the bridge. It's front has windows that appear to be covered with some kind of paper.

Once again the two guys are next to me holding out the key. I take it and ask "where is Jenny?"
"She wanted you to be the one to find her." the sandy haired boy said.
"She's in the car?" I ask.
They stand in silence. I look again at the white Saturn, straining my eyes to see if someone could possibly be inside. I start to make out a form sitting in the drivers seat, or is it just shadows from the bridge? Why would she be sitting there waiting for me? It couldn't be... could it?
I look back at them my eyes searching for some kind of explanation. There is only that knowing look. I am now thoroughly freaked out.
Slowly the realization that she is, in fact, sitting in that seat and in what condition only God knows.
"What did you do to her!" I exclaim out of terror.
"She asked us to"
"She's dead, you killed her!"
"She chose to, we only did what she asked" the sandy haired boy said.
"And her makeup." reminds the wiry boy.
"Makeup?!"
A kind of satisfaction crossed their faces as they watched my horrified realization.
"I don't believe you!" I said with a determined tone. But inside I knew it was true.
"Well why don't you leave then?"
"you can go to your car now that you found your key."

I started running towards the bridge, frantic to get out of the situation. Again, they followed me, with the now all too familiar, unconcerned demeanor. Then it hits me. How did he know I was searching for my key. How did they know who I was and where I'd be?! All of the sudden I feel as though I am some kind of pawn in a horrific mind game. The knowing looks, the calm sureness that they carried in every movement and word. Are they going to do to me what they did to Jenny?! I can't go back to my car! They are following me. Is that what they did to her? I search the horizon and see that everyone is gone. The old buildings are lifeless. It 's vacant. A surge of adrenaline warms my insides and I turn to face them. I have no choice. I storm past them back down toward the car. I don't need to turn around to know that they once again are slowly following me. They are like some kind of beast, playing with her food before eating in satisfaction.

I am going to find out who is in that white Saturn! I have to know what I'm dealing with. I won't fall into their trap and lead them to my car! As I approach the bank, my pace slows. The closer I get, the more apparent it is that someone is in fact lifeless in the front seat. I imagine my best friend. Her fair skin and dark walnut hair. Her sense of humor, her smartness. Her essence. I can't bring myself to see her in any other way. I stop.

The next thing I know I am standing in the utility building. I panic as I search for an escape. There are lot's of windows, but they are all covered. The floor has some tacky utility carpet in turquoise. There is some kind of waiting area with chairs. I see a glass panel that slides open and I can imagine it as some sort of check in. I feel like I am in the waiting area of an office or clinic. The sandy haired boy and his partner are there. Waiting for something. I feel sick, trapped and heavy! I see a man on the other side of the glass panel approach. He is in his thirties. He is evil! I can tell that the sandy haired boy is his younger brother. They are talking about me. It is now that I realize that I did fall in to the trap. They didn't want me to lead them to my car. They wanted me to go to the Saturn and now I know that they are planning to do to me what ever they wanted. I hear someone outside.
"hello, who's down here?"
I scream and lunge for the window. I frantically try to rip off the paper and break the glass. My hands are moving so fast, but it seems like they aren't accomplishing anything!
"help me!", a horrified scream rips from my mouth.
"I'm in here!"
"don't leave me!"
I go on and on. Begging for help. But there is nothing, just silence and the man behind the glass. Glaring at me with a deviant look. And with it I know that I soon will be dead.

Then Aiden wakes me up, it's 7:28 am.

The goings on

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 15:33:00 +0000

So a lot has been going down lately. Lissa (my sis) and my documentary on The Power of Forgiveness is slowly manifesting from thought to reality. "Slowly" is the key word there. We are really pretty excited about it though. Our dad is going to create the soundtrack for it which will for sure be amazing since he lives music every day of his life. I have a local artist who is working with us who's pieces will be included. We are trying to contact people to interview who have experienced compelling stories of forgiveness in their lives. So if any of you five people who actually read this blog know someone who might be a good candidate, do tell! Dan is taking "time off" of work to finally complete his demo. It's liberating and hella scary at the same time. So here we are, ready to seize the day! Lets hope we actually do. Dan has a pretty good shot at being hired at Rockstar video games in Scotland or London. That would be crazy cool too because I feel like the draw to return to the motherland. Lissa and I joke about it. I have never been but I feel like it would be the next step in my spiritual journey. The reiki energy is supposed to be powerful there. Audrey is sneezy happy! Happy because we got her the cutest most lovable kitten, and sneezy cuz she seems to be allergic. So we named her pepper cuz she is black and white and has a little black spot on her nose and also if Audrey puts her face too close her eyes get red and she sneezes. Oh and about my colon cleanse. I had my first swamp thing happen in the bathroom last week. I couldn't bring myself to take a picture. It felt unnecessary since it looked just like the pictures on the website! If your curiosity gets the better of you click here. It looked JUST like that! It was disturbing and somewhat satisfying as well. And there you have it.

G.N.O With Ghosts.

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 04:59:00 +0000

Me, A'Niel and Amanda on our girls night out. We ate, then we ate some more, then we swung by the S.L.C graveyard and got some crazy pics. Note the red mist on the top right of the picture and the crazy light squiggles. What the hey?! A picture of an Actual ghost! Wink, Wink.

HOME

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 20:16:00 +0000

I recently was in california for a week. It was beautiful as usual. I was nervous to go back home. We finally arrived after a long drive and as I walked the kids out to the beach I looked back at my house and realized that my Grandma wasn't upstairs. For the first time EVER she wasn't there. I realized then that I feel like it's all slowly slipping away from me. How can something that seemed so permanent suddenly be fading so fast? It feels almost like an illusion, like its all falling out of focus and there's nothing I can do. And now I see how much a part of ME this place is because I am being asked to let it go. How does that even work? How do you come to terms with a part of you being torn away? I suppose that I should feel thankful for having it as long as I did. I just wish I knew how to handle it all.

Last night I pulled out a letter I wrote to one of my favorite essayists. I Wrote it before I was actually faced with the impossible task at hand, for a school assignment. It's more fitting now than ever.

Dear Mr. Eiseley,
I recently read your essay Entitled The Brown Wasps and absolutely loved it! Besides the fact that the whole concept of this essay is deeply profound, it was the delivery of the idea that first grabbed me. You write so beautifully about the subtleties of nature. As I read, I imagined you sitting in silence for lengths of time, being the observer of small things. Things that most of us pass by without a glance. The brown wasps lingering about their nests till the frost of winter finally took them. The field mouse that burrowed into the soil of your fern plant as it tried to recreate “a remembered field (p.240)”. The pigeons returning to the abandoned rail line in hopes of finding a past life, nevermore to return. I wonder, where did such a distinct awareness of the world come from? What a gift you have, for seeing true principles in their simplest form and sharing them through your writing!

The notion that there is an attachment of the spirit to a grouping of events in time really resonates with me, particularly these lines: “It is the place that matters, the place at the heart of things... We cling to a time and a place because without them man is lost, not only man but life(p.240).” This concept reminded me of a scene in my favorite movie Garden State where the main character thoughtfully says:

  “You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? Even though you have some place where you can put your stuff, that idea of home is gone . . . You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself. You know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.”

You describe this in your own life as you wrote about a cottonwood tree that you and your father had planted together when you were a child. And to find years later that it no longer existed must have been somewhat of a devastation to you. I sensed this when you wrote that “...it was part of my orientation in the universe and I could not survive without it (p.245)”. It wasn’t the tree itself that you couldn’t survive without. It was the symbol of the tree, and what that symbol represented to you about your relationship with your father. We all need something to keep us steady in the storms of life. These symbols are suspended in time because they live on in our mind and our hearts. I have always liked the idea that we leave some kind of imprint on time and space even if it only exists because it’s alive within us. An energy like a fingerprint, as we move through this world and on into the next. Or as you stated, “We are all part of an elusive world that existed no where and yet everywhere (p.245).”

I couldn’t help but ponder on my symbols and what they mean to me. I often find myself thinking about the home I was raised in, it is the same house my mother was raised in, the house my grandfather built all on his own. This place has been a touchstone to my reality since I can remember. It is a symbol of generations, of connections, of childhood. Even the thought that someday this house will cease to exist, creates a feeling of dread in my very core. As if I myself or a part of myself will cease to exist along with it. I imagine standing there while the world carries on; but I cannot, simply because I know not how. So I too can speak for the field mouse, the wasps, a flock of pigeons and yourself. “We were all out of touch but somehow permanent, It was the world that had changed(p.245).”

Sincerely,
Megan Kelly On a brighter note while I was feeling the security of home and childhood slipping away I was given a tender mercy from God. My Childhood best friend Davina, whom I had not seen in 12 years contacted me the day before I left for California! She lives in Vegas and so I stopped and spend some very meaningful time with her. It was just like before, we always just clicked. I leaned on that a lot while I was at the beach house last week. Dwelling on my reunion with her rather than the separation to come. She is a God sent.

Anxiety sucks

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 19:48:00 +0000

I have three kids running laps through my house. They all put socks on so they could slide across the wood floor. They probably barely hear my dull voice of warning through their hyperactivity. They are just doing what kids do. Why do I have such anxiety right now? I'm starting to feel desperate for silence and serenity. I feel like I'm being sucked into myself through the black hole that is sitting in my chest. Anxiety sucks. I'm pathetically using this blog as some sort of escape. Hardcore drugs although effective are not really an option. For one I am broke, and another I don't have the balls to do anything that rash. I suppose I could delve back into the twilight series. It seems to be the numbing of choice lately, for half the population that is. (That is a whole other blog in and of itself. )

You know what sucks! Diapers. I changed a diaper like 30 minutes ago and the poo stench is still lingering. If I had any umph in me right now, I'd light a match. But I think they are buried in some junk drawer. So I guess I wont breath through my nose for a while.

So I got a check for $41.00 at church last week. And even though it was just a reimbursement for some money I spent for Primary. It still made me happy and was the highlight of the experience that sunday. In fact, I may just spend a little more for Primary as a way to trick myself into enjoying church. It could work, for a while at least.

I want a kitten. Kind of. Something to think about. I also want a baby, kind of. Something else to think about. You know what's eerie? Walking though the grocery store full of pregnant women, like really pregnant. Everywhere, women with bellies, and little babies and then seeing a 2 year old in a shopping cart point at you and look you square in the eye and say "baby!" What?!

So why is it drug dealers have crappy cars? But buyers are like pimpin it? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Just a thought.

Uhhh, this isn't really working. The blogging I mean. I still feel anxious. I have decided that blogging is not my brand of numbing.

WANTED

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 16:17:00 +0000

In a deranged psychotic episode account manager and assassin Wesley Gibson has brutally murdered our beloved Mr. Tumnus. The victim along with all the other forest animals skillfully had their heads blown in but only after the forest had been infested by armored rats. When it was all done, nothing was left but the scent of hot metal, kerosine and oddly enough peanut butter. (This was one crazy violent movie. Within the first 2 minutes 5 people got their brains blown in. I had to close my eyes at least 5 times. Aside from a couple cheesy one liners the directing was phenomenal! James Mcavoy did an amazing job. I don't know how you can go from Mr. Tumnus to Wes Gibson but he totally pulled it off. )

Last Comic Standing

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 15:32:00 +0000

You have got to see this guy. Genius! ">

The Men In My Life.

noreply@blogger.com (Megan Michael) — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 05:39:00 +0000